Communication

    One of the most common issues in relationships, I would say, would have to revolve around communication. Communication is one of the hardest aspects to a relationship. It is nearly impossible to know and understand what everyone is thinking and feeling. Everyone is raised differently so we all expect things to be run differently. All of our minds think differently and at different speeds, it just seems impossible to to ever understand someone else's perspective. That is where good communication skills come in to play. If we don't communicate how were feeling or what we expect in a positive way, then that's where issues start developing. If you hold your feelings in or say things that you don't actually feel, that will lead to resentment and frustration with your partner. Not communication leads to a result of 51% of the issues, tone of voice is 35%, and the words spoken lead to 14% of the issues. The way we speak and the words we say really do play a factor in a relationship and affect our partners. However, if we choose not to say anything and are "nonverbal" that where most of the problems lie. 

    There are five secrets to communication and I will share them now. Number one, the disarming technique. This means that you can find some truth in what your partner is saying even if it seems unreasonable. Try to find some truth before getting defensive. Number two, show empathy towards your companion. Put yourself in their situation and see the world through his or her eyes for a change. They could be thinking and going through something hard. Number three, ask questions on how the other person is feeling. It always feels good when someone cares about how your day is going, so ask about your partners. Fourth, be assertive and lead conversations in a direct way. You can do this by making "I feel.." statements. Be clear and precise in what your saying and feeling. Fifth, show respect towards your companion even if you're frustrated. 

    Demonstrating these secrets to communication will be of great help in a relationship as they allow you to be patient with your partner. It's important for not only your partner to hear you, but for you to understand them. Before you yell or get worked up, try to remember the fact that we're all different and think through things differently from each other. This will be a lifetime challenge. I'm currently learning this with my fiancé. We're both pretty bad at communicating, but we're both trying to be better at telling each other how we feel about certain things that the other does. For example, it bothers him when I say mean things about myself and it bothers me when he doesn't text through out the day. They're small things, but they matter to both of us so we both work on being better with how we communicate with each other. 

    An important time to use these communicating skills is during time of conflict. During marriage, there are going to be a lot of arguments and disagreements as each individuals actions affect the others. In marriage, you have to care about the other persons wants as much as your own, and sometimes that can be hard as you may not see eye to eye with each other. However, it comes down to communicating well once again. Also, involving God in your lives and decisions is a huge asset as He brings guidance and peace. God should be the center of your lives and marriage as He is the direction. I believe that involving God in your troubles and in decisions, you will be able to get through the conflict as one.